Finding Life Balance After Perfectionism and Kids ❤

Do you hear the phrase “life balance” and want to laugh while simultaneously cry? Perfectionism and I are old friends, so life balance is something I myself as a wife, parent, friend, professional, and individual constantly have to work on.

I remember in the early days after my first daughter was born feeling like the weight and space that parenting took up in my life was far beyond what I had expected. People warned me, but it’s something I couldn’t quite grasp until feeling it. It was no longer possible for me to do everything in the same ways I did before kids while also still making time for my children, being a good wife, and also being happy and not overwhelmed.

I LOVE being a mom and I may be biased but I think I have some of the coolest kids in the world. But if I'm being honest, having kids has also challenged my ability at times to find balance. Ironically though, they are what motivates me everyday. And although sometimes I have a hard time keeping up with their energy level LOL, I feel seriously lucky to be their mom.

When I become overloaded with parenting, work life, or feeling like I’m not being the best wife I can be, I have come to learn that taking the following steps really helps me get back on track, feeling more grounded, and back to being a happy mama in no time.

❤ First, I pause and ask myself what I am needing. This may be time with my husband, more time with my kids, alone time, giving myself the permission to say no or setting a difficult boundary, being patient, or forgiving myself for not meeting a potentially unrealistic expectation I had for myself. I take this moment to sit in silence, maybe while hiding in the bathroom LOL, and ask myself without judgment what I am needing.

❤ Once I identify what I need, I think about what I need to make this happen, also without judgment. Sometimes it helps to take out a piece of paper and write this all out.

❤ Next, I break down the steps I’m going to need to get there.

So, what does this all look like in practice?

Here’s an example. One of my most common challenges as a mom, wife, and individual is wanting to do more than is humanly possible without becoming a grouch or anxious. When I feel like this, I usually identify a need for more time with my family, friends, or myself. What this also means is that I also have likely been saying yes to things more often than I should have. Helloooooo perfectionism! So, here’s where I make a list of what I need to adjust or boundaries I need to set to get my needs met.

This looks like telling someone I can’t make it to a gathering, or am unable to commit to a project at work, or it might mean hiring someone to help me out with something like cleaning my home so I can get a break.

Once I have this list, I break it down into steps I’m going to take to get there. For example, I may need to text the friend I can’t make it to the gathering, or call a housekeeping service, or tell someone no or “not yet” to a project or event that I really want to do but realistically can’t without further overloading myself. It’s okay to say “I would love to, but can’t right now.”

I have learned overtime taking these intentional steps makes me a much better mom, wife, and happier me. It is sooooo hard to say no sometimes, but it’s okay to, even if someone else or work may push back. It’s okay to be honest about your needs. You will be much happier, less anxious, and better able to show up as YOU.

Author: Sasha McPherson, LMFT and mom of two ❤